


Ignorance

by flutterbydream



Category: Person of Interest (TV)
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Dubious Consent, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Romance, Triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-07
Updated: 2015-12-07
Packaged: 2018-05-05 10:46:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,139
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5372492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flutterbydream/pseuds/flutterbydream
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I took one incident for Harold to realize he made a horrible mistake.  One that would cost him most dearly.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ignorance

**Author's Note:**

> This is a touchy subject. I tried not to go too graphic and please remember that the morals and ethics of the characters involved are extremely twisted and don't represent anywhere near normal behavior. Nothing even remotely approaching rape is ok.

It took Harold a distressingly long time to figure out his mistake. Computers and codes came easy to him but people…not so much. It was no excuse.  
The cup of tea had gone cold at his side. Harold had long since forgotten about it as he stared down at his dear Mr. Reese finally sleeping on the camp bed in the side car next to his main workstation in the abandoned subway. It had been a long difficult night for all of them.

John would have new scars to add to his collection when the wounds finished healing. Their latest number had put a bar through the outside of his leg. Its jagged edges made it impossible to pull out. Miss Shaw was forced to cut the flesh against the bar to remove it. 

It then took Miss Shaw longer than Harold was comfortable with to stop the bleeding and patch him up. It was a distressingly familiar scene that Harold hoped to never become adjusted to. But this particular situation opened his eyes to something Harold would regret for the rest of his life. 

…

Harold realized his attraction to Mr. Reese - to John - shortly after they started working together. His new employee was a very beautiful and charming man and he had no problem testing the waters with his new employer. Harold appreciated the show but he wasn’t fooled by it. After all Mr. Dillinger tried many of the same tricks John pulled in the beginning. While it flattered his ego, Harold knew operatives were trained to use any means necessary to gather intel. Their bodies were simply another weapon in the arsenal to be used whenever they needed it.

He should have remembered that.

Pure physical attraction slowly made way to genuine affection over the course of that first year. Mr. Reese’s drive and dedication to the numbers was far stronger than Harold could ever hope for. His willingness to go so far for them and for Harold moved him quite unwillingly.  
Harold was forced to acknowledge his affection when John was shot and nearly died. Listening to John’s suffering as he madly raced to him remains one of Harold’s worst memories.  
When he discovered that John, despite the perfect opportunity to do so, kept Harold’s secrets safe when Harold himself was willing and eager to spill them thanks to a woman’s drugged drink, he started to trust the former operative. It couldn’t have been easy for John to walk away from such an opportunity to learn his secrets. To go against his training like that must have been incredibly hard.

Things shifted in Harold’s mind after that. He knew that John kept giving away almost all the money he paid the man for his job so Harold determined that if John wasn’t going to take care of himself then it fell to Harold to take care of him instead. The thing he needed to change in his friend’s life was to get him out of that dingy little no-tell motel and into something far better for him. It took several weeks of research but he finally found the perfect place. It was easy work after that to purchase the building and remodel it to fit something that was worthy of his friend.

It didn’t stop there. John was known as the man in the suit so Harold made sure that his suits were all beautiful and bespoke. He made all the measurements himself to make certain they were perfect. His favorite tailor had been curious about the new orders but he was paid enough to keep his silence.  
Vehicles, gadgets, phones, even food all fell to Harold to provide for his friend. The only things that John procured without him were his weapons, most of which he stole from various people who tried to kill him. Everything else Harold took care of and John flourished under his care.

Affection deepened into the prerequisite of love after Miss Groves abducted him. He knew that John sometimes chafed under his admittedly strict control. Harold never forgot that the man was a professional killer who was used to operating without such intense supervision. He knew that Mr. Reese was somewhat protective of him and he was willing to follow his orders even if it went against his own logic.

Harold trusted him enough to know that if anything happened to him, John would continue helping the numbers. He was confident that his mission was now John’s so he set up his contingency so that John would have everything he needed to continue without him. He never thought John’s dedication to the work was actually a dedication to him. Going so far as to set against the Machine in a battle of wills for compliance…and win.

After he was back and safe away from Root did Harold finally start to relax. As the tranquilizers left his system the fear and stress of what he thought would be a slow and torturous death waiting for him overcame his reserve. He clutched as hard as he could to John gasping and shaking from the adrenaline. His very dear friend held him just as tight with his face buried into Harold’s neck. Neither said anything as they breathed into each other. 

...

Ever since then the Machine would almost always respond to Mr. Reese by yielding to his will. A situation that often irritates Miss Groves to no end since she started speaking directly to it.

Harold watched helplessly as John twitched and moaned slightly in his sleep. He sat there wanting more than anything to go to him. To lay there and comfort his beloved but that could never happen again and it was all his fault.

“Tell me Miss Groves” Harold said as he sensed her come up behind him “did the Machine know?”

“Harry…” Root started when Harold turned his chair around to face her. Whatever she saw in his face silenced her though.

“Did it know?” he asked again.

Root stared at him for what felt like an eternity. He could see the minute shifts in her expression as the Machine whispered whatever it did to her. He almost couldn’t stand the pity that grew there but he endured it. Although he felt that disgust would have been a more deserving emotion.

“Yes Harold. SHE knew.”

…

Their personal relationship grew slowly after that though John was clearly trying to fight it. His associates-with-benefits arrangement with Ms. Morgan and his flirtations with Detective Carter also grew more intense to counter it. Regardless, despite everything John did to hide his feelings he still circled Harold like an orbiting satellite. He never strayed further from Harold than he absolutely needed to and Harold basked under John’s attention.

Harold loved taking long walks through the park with John and Bear at his side. They would chat about anything and nothing as they strolled along, just them. Sometimes he would sit at a bench and watch John throw a tennis ball for Bear to chase after. The grace and strength in his body would rob the breath from his lungs. Sometimes they would catch a movie at a nearby theater. Always Harold would treat them to some sort of food whether it was from a food truck or a fine restaurant.   
It was still very important to make sure John was properly taken care of.

It all came to a head when the FBI tried to take John away from him. They had him caged and there was nothing buy or twist to get him out. Harold was forced to rely on Detective Carter and Elias to protect him.

Elias…if he could, he would keep John far away from that man. He would never let John near the gangster kingpin. If Elias had his way, he would steal John away from him and Harold would never let that happen. He may be opposed to violence, but he knew how to make someone disappear…for good.  
Then, just when he thought he was getting his beloved friend back, John’s past decided to come back and bite him on the ass in a very bad way. His former partner had trapped him in the most horrific way imaginable. When he sent that text Harold froze. Here was another bomb threatening to take another beloved friend away from him. He couldn’t stand it.

Not this time. Not again.

Harold climbed up the stairs as quickly as his broken body would let him. He would NOT lose another one. Not John. He would rather…  
John looked like he had given up when he got to the roof. It shattered Harold inside that John should be so small but it was probably the only reason he let Harold near him as the vest counted down. The second after he had to bomb deactivated he pulled John’s face down and kissed him.

It was hard and bad and wrong in so many ways it became perfect. Harold felt John tense against him, every muscle going rigid and for half a second Harold thought he made a grievous error then all that tension bled out at once and John collapsed into him kissing him back. They only broke apart when Snow’s vest went off.

It was over. John was finally back safe within Harold’s sphere of control. He would need to figure out what Ms. Stanton’s goals were but that could wait for the morning. Right now he had John to take care of. John deserved his complete undivided and Harold intended to give it to him.

Harold took John to one of his safe houses after picking up some takeout. He didn’t want John on his own tonight. He made short work of the bomb vest with John instruction and even shorter work at removing John’s torn and filthy suit. John allowed him to strip him bare and guided him into the massive shower off the master bedroom. He did insist on keeping the   
door wide open though. Harold wasn’t ready to have John out of his sights just yet. 

By the time John got out of the shower with only a towel wrapped around his hips Harold had the food laid out on a tray on the bed. As John slowly came forward Harold stared at the massive amount of bruising that covered all over him. He had not forgotten the beating he took while still at Rikers and he wouldn’t be at all surprised if the collection wasn’t added to   
while in Ms. Stanton’s care.

Harold pulled aside the bedcovers for John to get in and out of the chill of the room. Once John was settled he put the tray across his lap.

“I don’t know when you last ate but please try to eat as much of this as you can.” Harold urged.

John gave him his little half grin that Harold was so fond of and dug into the meal. Harold puttered around him getting himself ready for bed all the while keeping a close eye on John’s progress. He knew he should move to one of the other bedrooms or the office to start working but he just couldn’t pull away from John. Even here in Harold’s sanctuary, he couldn’t leave John alone unprotected.

Harold took the tray and moved it on top of the dresser and returned to John’s side. He carefully reached out to touch next to a rather nasty looking bruise the exact shape of a boot print just below his neck. Any higher and it could have killed him. John tensed again from the pain then with a sigh leaned back into Harold.

Harold pulled him in tighter as he sat on the edge of the bed. John shifted over and down making room for Harold to crawl in. Harold removed his glasses and placed them safely on the nightstand before stretching out next to John as the other man settled on his back. In the dim light left by the lamp Harold slowly traced along the marks and scars that painted and contoured John’s body. John shivered and gasped softly as Harold explored, rocking his head to nuzzle into Harold’s shoulder.

“It’s not too painful?” Harold asked and John’s obvious arousal ignited his own. 

“I’m fine.” John whispered as he finally reached to touch Harold back.

After that assurance Harold allowed himself free reign to touch, stroke, lick, and suck on any part of John that he wanted to. John responded beautifully with moans and whispered encouragements that spurred him even further.

Harold carefully rolled on top of John trying to be careful of his injuries though not careful enough if the full body jerk was to be believed. Harold licked and sucked on John’s neck and ran his hands soothingly against his sides while he waited patiently for John to relax again. Harold understood more than most how tricky it was to make love while in constant pain. He carefully rocked his growing hard on against John’s hip and rubbed his thigh against John’s own hardening member.  
Once Harold was sure that John was ready, he set a slow rhythm working over John encouraging his passion as John writhed under him. He was careful not to let John over strain himself as he moved lower to work his erection. It had been many years but Harold still remembered how suck and lick at just the right spots. He watched as John fell apart under his tongue and hands. Covering his face to try and hide his reaction.

Harold wasn’t done with his tricks though. He wetted two of his fingers and while taking John as deep as he could in his mouth, he inserted the first finger into him trying for his prostrate. John’s back arched dramatically with a shout as Harold made contact. He quickly reached up to grab the bars of the headboard as he rode out the pleasure.

“Harold!” 

Harold smiled inwardly as he continued to bring John to new heights. He quickly entered the second finger and used them to pump and play as he twisted around John’s head as best he could. It took no time at all to have John chanting his name uncontrollably.

“In the drawer there’s supplies. Get them for me.” Harold told him as he pulled off and dragged himself back up. John rolled over to fetch the lube and a condom. Harold stopped him before he turned on his back again taking what he needed as he stretched over him.

“It’s easier on your stomach.” Harold said. John nodded and stretched underneath him every muscle relaxing in a brilliant display.

Harold wasted no time in getting ready, hesitating only long enough to make sure John still good before gently pushing into heaven. It took everything in him to keep from rutting like an animal as John groaned and yielded to the intrusion. He reached around to return interest to John’s flagging erection, bringing him back to the edge again. He knew it was safe to move when John started bucking into him.

It didn’t take much to push John over and it only took a few more thrusts for Harold to join him in ecstasy. John trembling under him. Harold rode the bliss for as long as he could before the need to clean up became stronger. As he disengaged Harold thought he heard soft sniffles that near silent tears. It tore at his heart but he silently swore that no one would ever force John away again. 

Afterward Harold held John in his arms as he slept peacefully for the first time since John was taken from him.   
Harold kept that promise as best he could. Through two more abductions on himself and for a time John left voluntarily, but for the most part Harold did the best he could. He took care of John as much as his friend and lover would let him and John could be found more often than not in Harold’s bed at the end of the day. Every time, Harold treasured just how warm and giving John was when he took him. Every time, Harold pushed his broken body to bring pleasure to John’s.   
Their life was far from perfect but with John, Harold found more happiness than he ever expected to find again. 

…

“You can’t blame yourself Harold; John wouldn’t want that.” Root tried to console him.

“It seems Miss Groves that John wouldn’t want any number of things I do.” Harold told her bleakly.

Root pulled up a second chair and thoughtfully angled it so he could continue watching John sleep. Harold hoped the sedative Miss Shaw gave him would hold out until tomorrow but he little faith that is actually would. John’s tolerance for drugs was as strong as his tolerance for any other unpleasant necessities.

“Look” Root started again “I don’t know what happened between you two. SHE won’t tell me but you two have been together for years and we’ve watched you both for most of that time. Whatever you’ve done, I’m sure the big lug will forgive you.”

Harold’s hands ached to touch, to sooth the pain lines that etched John’s face. Never again would he be able to; he lost any right to touch him.

“He’s already forgiven me Root. He’s forgiven me from the very beginning. The difference is- now I know what I did. The reason why he’s always forgiven me is my ignorance.” Harold gave her a grim smile “I’m no longer ignorant to what I’ve done.”

“Harry it can’t be as bad as you think it is.” Root reasoned with her big grin. She leaned forward to rest her hand on his arm trying to connect with him.

“I raped him.” Harold told her coldly.

“What?” 

As he knew she would, Root recoiled away from him. It was what he deserved.

“I’ve been raping him from the beginning. I never once received consent from him.”

Harold could see the wheels turning in her head. He understood how crazy it might look on the outside. How could a broken man possible force someone as strong and trained as John. It didn’t make any sense until you took into consideration just how much John did every day to please Harold. How, in John’s mind at least, he would be dead without Harold and his purpose. John has spent almost his entire life being used, abused and thrown away by the people in power over him. It was no wonder then that John would do whatever he had to in order to secure his place in Harold’s life. If that meant relinquishing his body to Harold’s needs, well at least Harold never hurt him and there have been many others who didn’t share Harold’s care.

“Did he say that?” Root asked.

“He didn’t have to.” 

“If he didn’t say so, what makes you think it isn’t just guilt over his latest injury driving you. Let’s face it Harold, John isn’t verbally strong. Just because he never said ‘I want your dick in me’ doesn’t mean he was against it. Yeah you probably should have talked about it years ago but it doesn’t mean you forced him to do anything he didn’t want.”

Harold idly wondered what happened to Root to leave her so warped that she thought what he did was in any way alright.

“Miss Groves I have held that body almost every night for close to three years. I know intimately every twitch and sigh it produces. I know that in those three years he has never initiated our ‘lovemaking’” Harold said that with a vicious sneer “I know he always strives to hide his face from me.” Harold paused for a second trying not to choke “I know just before penetration every muscle in his body will go completely lax.”

“Harold.”

“Do you want to know what I learned today Miss Groves?” Harold asked “I learned it as I held John down for Miss Shaw to cut his flesh to free him from the bar. She told him to get ready for the ‘fun’ part.” Harold stared into her stricken eyes “As I held him, I felt every muscle in his body relax.”

Harold turned away from Root again. He could still remember Miss Shaw telling John ‘Good boy’ as she also noticed the change in him. After she finished stitching him up and knocking him out she confided that it was always easier to endure disagreeable situations one couldn’t fight their way out of by simply yielding to it. Forcing the body to soften saved damage resisting could cause. She actually complimented John on how good he was at it.

“Harry.”

“Miss Groves please, I would very much like to be alone right now. I have much to consider.”

Fortunately, Root left without a fight. The Machine’s work he would guess. It was probably a mistake telling her. He valued his privacy after all and John’s had been violated more than enough to last the next several lifetimes. But he needed someone to confess to. Someone to know just what kind of monster he was.  
Harold didn’t know what to do. He loved John, but that love was now foul and forbidden. He needed John, but to make him face his tormentor day after day seemed cruel. Yet he couldn’t set John free either. John would never survive out there under Samaritan’s watch and he wouldn’t let Harold sacrifice himself instead. They were stuck and he didn’t know how to fix it.

“I never said ‘NO’.” John’s voice suddenly came out of nowhere.

Harold startled and twisted to stare in John’s eyes. They were as sharp and clear as ever letting him know the drug had been out of his system for a while. It ripped Harold’s heart all over again to see no condemnation in them, just the same enduring trust that was always there.

“You…you never said ‘Yes’ either.” Harold countered.

John studied him for a moment before stretching out his arm towards him.

“Come here Harold.” 

“You need to rest Mr. Reese. I should leave you to do that.” Harold said standoffishly.

John grinned a shark’s smile “Harold get over here or I’m getting up and coming to you. We don’t want to face Shaw for ruining her hard work do we?”

Harold hesitated long enough to watch John start to follow through before giving in and joining him on the cot. John wasn’t satisfied until Harold was lying down stretched out next to him trapped in his embrace. The role reversal was extremely uncomfortable yet strangely right.

“Now what’s all this talk about raping me?” John asked mildly.

“I realized it when I felt you relax. Miss Shaw explained all to clearly what that reaction meant. It was easy to put the pieces together from there. You never wanted it when we had sex.” Harold didn’t want to sound accusing but somehow it came out that way.

John studied him some more before answering “You’re right, I didn’t want it. I never liked being the submissive partner but I didn’t get to choose when I was CIA and I learned quickly how to accept it. Kara had it rougher than me, especially before I was assigned to her. It was one of the things that made her so violent.” John paused for a breath “No, I never wanted it, but I wanted you and I’ll take what I can get. I’m a selfish bastard Harold so when the opportunity to tie you even tighter to came up I took it.”  
Harold wanted so badly to take the out John was offering but he couldn’t.

“It doesn’t change what I did to you. You may have accepted it, used it to your advantage even. But that doesn’t alter the fact that you never desired me and I ignored that.”  
John smiled his soft little smile and leaned down to kiss him. It was sweet and wet with just enough heat in it to make Harold start to get interested. He reached up to run his hand through John’s hair and felt him tremble at the touch. All at once Harold pulled back and tried to push John away. It was like pushing a steel wall. John stopped kissing him and instead pulled him tight against his chest. John settled down again with his head just above Harold’s. His every breath ruffling his hair.

“It’s going to take some time, but we’ll get through this like we get through everything else. Just know that I’m not letting you go. Not now, not ever.”

“Why?” Harold choked out.

John didn’t say anything for the longest time. So long in fact that Harold was almost asleep when he heard John whisper softly.

“Because I love you.”

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [The Great Mistake](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11866476) by [Zaniida](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zaniida/pseuds/Zaniida)




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